Care
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They always say that the people who we care for the most, hurt us the most. I thought that was silly. Why would someone I care for even think about hurting me? But boy was I wrong. Learnt my lesson the hard way even. I might have been naive to begin with. I may have even misunderstood you being polite to you caring. But it was when I needed you the most that I realised you were never really there for me in the first place. It was foolish to hope you would be there.
My trust in you blinded me. I assumed that when you cared for someone they’d care for you too. It’s only now that I know I was wrong. Me wanting to care for you was a choice I made. You choosing to not care about me was a choice you made. I have no control over what you choose. I just wish I knew you didn’t choose me sooner so I didn’t invest so much time in you. It would have even hurt less then.
Nobody is ever busy all the time. It’s how high they prioritize you that matters. I was never really a priority to you, was I? I would have given up everything if you said you needed me. I would have put you first, above everything else, and listened to you. I would have tried my best to comfort you. I would have always been there for you. But I was never that person for you. I know that now. I lost someone who did not care about me. You lost someone who would have done anything for you. Who’s the bigger loser here?
I worked hard to build the bridge between us. I did everything I possibly could. But I needed you to cross it and you didn’t. I can not build the bridge and cross it too. That’s too much for you to ask of me. I just needed you to walk across it. To show that you cared. To care. But none of it mattered to you, did it?
I’ve been repeatedly advised to let go of things that hurt me. Things that don’t allow me to be happy. I should take that advice a little more seriously from now on. I should learn to let go of the things that hurt me. Let me start with you.
“You never really cared. I don’t anymore. Now we are even.” #ExcerptFromABookIWillNeverWrite
–Nikitha